My “(un) expectant” New Life

Over the past couple of months my life has changed! I mean like drastic changes. In May I became a first generation college graduate. In June I found out I was pregnant & oh I wasn't married yet! In June I also got surprised with the second biggest surprise which was an engagement. All summer I planned my wedding while trying to juggle the MESS that is the fist trimester of pregnancy. In August my husband and I pushed back our wedding and in September we said "I Do". I didn't just say "I Do" to my husband but to a family as I became a step mother that day as well. When I graduated I had no idea where I was headed or the series of events to follow. I had no idea I would experience all that I experienced this summer. I also had no idea I would be so happy and at peace about it all. My life is by no means 'together', perfect or easy but I God has taught me so much in this season and I had to share ...

I remember the Tuesday morning like it was yesterday. The doctor walked in and said, “well you’re definitely pregnant”. Those four words changed my life forever. At that time I was an unwed, unemployed, graduate student and oh yeah … pregnant! I always dreamed of having babies and being a mama but the timing in which it happened was not what I expected. I'm a Christian this isn't what my life is suppose to look like right? In an instant shame, guilt, condemnation and a rush of lies flooded my heart and mind. The biggest lie of all “my life was over”. I felt like my story was done, my purpose was forfeited and as if I had nothing left to give. My now husband tried to comfort me and let me know he wasn't going anywhere but it didn't matter. All I seen was my sin. All I seen was the fact that I was unwed and pregnant and a crippling replay of lies.

                                 

As a Christian you would think well duh you’re gonna keep the baby right? That’s what I always thought too. Sadly I considered abortion and not just considered but planned and not just planned but budgeted. I am so thankful to God that I had the right support, clarity of mind and discernment of the voice of God to come to the decision of choosing life. For me coming to that decision was not easy.

I went back and forth. I had highs and lows. I wrestled, I cried, I got PISSED but a time came where the I’s had to take the backseat. The reality was I was pregnant, a baby was coming, no I am not married but there is a REAL LIFE growing inside of me. This life

was depending on me to make the right choice. The reality had to be accepted: I sinned (gasp), I got pregnant (scandalous) and now I had a choice to make. The choice really wasn't mine to make though, I don’t give life. Conceiving a child is truly a miracle who was I to try to take that away? Especially because the timing was off and I was concerned with what people would think. Despite how hard it may be we can never allow temporary concerns and worries move us to a permanent decision.

In all honesty I was never at war with my precious unborn baby. I was at war with the lies in my mind. The lie that told me abortion was a quick fix to the big fat mess I made. The lie that this baby was punishment for my sin. (The Bible makes it very clear that children are a gift from God. Children are never punishment). Here’s the truth: abortion does not fix anything. Abortion may seem like a quick fix and cover up for a time but like a volcano it will erupt in your life when you least expect it. What erupts? Depression, suicidal thoughts, drug addiction and the list goes on. (Do some scholarly research not Google but scholarly research concerning the after effects of abortion). Abortion is not a fix it actually creates a NEW world of guilt, pain and shame.

Though I wasn't excited; though, I wasn't even sure I made the right choice I had to put my big girl panties on. Abortion left my vocabulary and was no longer an option; I chose to keep my baby. When I had my first sonogram I heard the baby’s heartbeat and I saw the little tadpole like fetus swimming around in my womb. At that moment I knew I made the right choice and with every sonogram to follow it was confirmed. With every precious flutter and kick in my belly I am reminded choosing life was the best decision I could ever make. It’s amazing how you can love someone who hasn't been born …

                           

So you may be wondering is that why you got married? Because you were pregnant? Or is that why you got married so soon? All valid questions and concerns but, no and no. My husband had been planning our engagement for months. From the beginning when he first started pursuing me he made it very clear he was in this for the purpose of marriage. Finding out I was pregnant didn't change his feelings towards marrying me it only made him want to make me his wife even more. We knew we loved each other and wanted to be together so we gave it a big fat “what are we waiting for”. We didn't make this decision hastily or in secret. We received premarital counseling from three pastors and we sought counsel from those close to us. We realized just because a baby was coming that we couldn't rush to the altar. With the blessing of our pastors and peace from God we chose to commit to each other for the rest of our lives.

It wasn't easy. We argued and pressed each other buttons. There were times when we felt like we weren't going to make it. There’s something about getting ready to marry someone that will make all your issues come to the surface and all your fears stand up and wave. We realized that marriage was not going to be easy and we had a choice to make. We could have thrown it all away or die to self, quit being so selfish and work this thing out. Not just once and for all but on a daily basis. That meant me shutting my big fat mouth sometimes and him being more sensitive. It’s not easy or perfect but we both know we made the right decision. The peace we have, God’s amazing provision and waking up every morning next to my husband is a great reminder. A reminder that every single thing we went through while crazy and at times straight up RATCHET (lol) was so worth it. It’s a joy seeing each other and our love take deeper root each day.

Forgiveness was the hardest thing for me. Forgiving myself and accepting that God had truly forgiven me. As I began to tell friends, family and those in authority over me about being pregnant I expected condemnation and harsh criticism. Inside I felt that I had deserved to be judged and shunned. No one condemned me! Not one person said anything to affirm the lies I believed. Now there were sly comments (always will be) but no condemnation (lol). I was embraced, loved, supported and shown more grace than I could handle. I've never felt more supported by the church as in this season of my life. When I say the church I do not mean where I attend on Sunday’s (though they were amazing) I mean the body of Christ as a whole, the people. They loved me unconditionally. This was just a tip of the iceberg of how God chased, ran me down and tackled me with grace.

Although I was embraced by people the lies still lingered. These were the truths that set me free:

- My sin does not define me.

- I failed but I am not a failure

- My baby is not sin. The act of sex outside of marriage was the sin.

- God is not surprised by my pregnancy

- Getting pregnant out of wedlock is no match for the blood of Jesus.

God still does love me, all along God STILL had and has plans for me. He still calls me HIS princess. I use to think because I followed the rules that I was accepted by God. Now I know I’m loved despite what I do and there’s no valley too low for God’s grace to reach. This truth compels me not to right behavior for the sake of being a “good Christian”. This truth compels me to righteousness. This truth convicts me to holiness.

Now I know that this is true:

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

- Romans 8:37-39

    

I’m here to tell you even if you don’t start strong you can finish strong. Maybe you’re like me and my husband and you started on FIRE but somewhere down the road you messed up, you can STILL finish strong. I would have loved to say I didn't kiss or have sex with my husband until we were married but it isn't true. I would love to say we set boundaries and were pure the WHOLE way through but we weren't.  Somewhere along the lie we replaced Christ in our relationship with our selfish lust but we can STILL finish strong. You can STILL finish strong. This is not the end!

Many of you reading have gone too far with your boyfriend or  girlfriend. Maybe you’re expecting a baby and aren't married. In the words of a great friend spoken at our wedding “your covenant is different”. What Ishaq and I have is our own. I believe this is true of everyone. Every single marriage is different, there are something’s that are just plain not okay but every marriage and relationship is different. The only step by step guide we need is the Bible not the lives of people. If you get anything from us don’t get a blueprint get a lesson. The lesson is this: No matter what you go through, despite what unexpected series of events may come your story is not over. You can finish strong despite how you begin.

Maybe your story is way different than mine. Perhaps your guy is not sticking around for the baby and marriage is not an option for you. Even if marriage is not an option for you DO NOT allow abortion to be an option for you either. Your start does not determine your finish. You may have to work harder, Ishaq and I did but that’s okay. Despite what it may look like now you can, YOU CAN, YOU CAN FINISH STRONG! I had no idea I’d be this at peace about my life right now. When I first got pregnant all I seen was the problem in front of me. Choose to look beyond your now. Right now you may only see a big, disastrous storm but on the other side of that storm is sunny rainbow. It won’t be perfect, it won’t be easy but it WILL be worth it!!!

                     

For those couples out there, it is never too late to set boundaries. It is never in vain to pursue purity, we did it and I believe you can too. Yes if you’re already expecting it is never too late to put Christ first. Remember, we aren't pure so we can escape disease and pregnancies we pursue purity because it is God’s standard for us in relationships. Choose to turn from your sin and be pure in your relationship.

P.s: oh yeah and that precious baby Ishaq and I are expecting …

She’s due for arrival early next year and I couldn't be more full of joy!!!

10 Things to do While PMSing (& 5 things NOT to do!)

So it's that time of the month but not quite! Your hormones are everywhere and you want to cry, yell, jump with joy, punch someone in the face & cuddle a small kitten all at once. Yup, you're PMSing. Oh and let's not forget the chocolate cravings, can't forget those good 'ol chocolate cravings. Some women go through this time gracefully, their moods never change and it's beautiful HOWEVER that's not girls like us. Some of us need a little bit of a push in the right direction to keep us from acting irrational and plain 'ol CRAZY!! So here's my PMS cheat sheet to keep me & you from being miserable and making others miserable once every month.

Your emotions are everywhere. You're irritable maybe sad probably angry. When you find yourself getting overwhelmed with all that your body is doing stop for a moment. If you're at work, if you're in class take a 5 minute bathroom break and just run to Jesus. Pray, read your favorite verse or just take a moment to breathe in His sweet presence. Ask Him to realign your thoughts and emotions and to give you a fresh perspective.

Having alone time is sooo super important, especially when your body is doing all that it is doing. Spending time with yourself reading a book, watching your favorite show or just laying down will help you relax and rejuvenate especially because you may be feeling irritable. If you can't do this for a full day take at least one hour. Take a bubble bath or go for a walk, turn off your cell phone or leave it at home. No facebook, no twitter, no instagram just you and Jesus.

You're having food cravings out the wazoo, go head have something sweet to eat IN MODERATION. Don't you dare go buy a gallon of ice cream, a bunch of chocolate cake and crawl into bed and pig out. Do go on head and buy a piece of dark chocolate which is actually good for you and sweet at the same time. Do have an organic and naturally sweetened fruit smoothie.

Whenever I'm PMSing a girls night always helps. Your girlfriends understand how you feel because they most likely share some of the feelings you are currently feeling. You all can get together have some great girl talk, laugh, cry, hug and get your mind off of the long range of emotions you're having. After spending some time alone do not isolate yourself, DO go head and get together with some girlfriends.

In a graceful, tasteful and polite way let those around you know that you are currently experiencing PMS. While you are not excusing your actions or mood swings let them know you're just not feeling it today and you may need a little space.

Journal! Write down how you're feeling. It will help you sort out how you really feel from just plain 'ol PMS. It will also be a good outlet for your emotions. You can't throw your emotions away they've got to go somewhere. Your emotions should NEVER be given to friends and family members while PMSing that is unfair to them and will strain the relationship when you're yourself again. Give your emotions to Jesus and your journal! This is also a great time to track the date of the month and how you feel during that time. After 3 or 4 months you may see a pattern like every third week of the month I PMS and feel irritable. It will help you take care of yourself better in the future.

There are so many foods that can help regulate your mood and eliminate irritability but they're all healthy. I get it you have your cravings but that doesn't mean you should submit to them and PMS is not excuse for forsaking all rules for healthy eating. Salad's with apples and oranges, bananas, salmon, avocado, nuts, whole grains, spinach and beans are great for you while your PMSing. They will also help set you up for a smoother actual menstrual period. Oh and don't forget the good 'ol water which we should be drinking lots of EVERY day!

When you're PMSing your boyfriend, fiance or husband is most likely to feel your wrath & he doesn't deserve to!!! Setting up a code word with him will help you to recognize when you're getting out of hand and help him feel more comfortable telling you you're getting out of hand.

Endorphin's galore!!!! When you work out you release a chemical in your body called endorphin. This lovely chemical boost your mood and basically makes your happy. People who frequently work out have better moods because of this chemical. So when you're irritable and cranky hit the gym and get those endorphins working!!!

Princess, life goes on. There's really nothing else to say, just keep going!!! Don't allow your life to be completely disrupted once every month.

When you're irritable small things seem big. Don't sweat the small stuff. Keep it in mind that you're really not yourself right now. Don't forget to give people extra grace because you will get annoyed more and easier, let stuff go more than ever when your PMSing.

As mentioned before those close to you like boyfriends, fiances and husbands will experience your wrath. Cute little things he usually does that you find hilarious normally will just dance on you nerve when your PMSing. Give him grace gracefully remind him that you're not there right now and you can't appreciate his gesture at that time. It takes practice but you'll get there. Choose your words and remember it's not what you say it's how you say it. (this goes for everyone in your life)

Let's just be honest, your emotions can't be trusted right now so don't go making an impulse decision for instance: don't paint a room in your house you may hate that color later. Don't dye your hair or cut it differently you may REALLY hate it later. You get my point, no being spontaneous while your PMSing wait a few days until you're back to yourself.

We're trying to get your emotions back in order. None of those sappy love movies, false expectation, crying, making you even MORE emotional junk. Cut off the Nicholas Sparks, the Notebook can wait, NONE OF THAT! Do something more valuable with your time.

This breaks my heart to hear. I use to say this frequently too. I went to a seminar at my school where the speaker pretty much educated young women on the beauty of the menstrual cycle. Menstration reminds us that we are bearers of life and that we give life in a different way than men. Our bodies are vessels and funnels of life, that is nothing to be regretful or ashamed about. Love your femininity and walk in it boldly even when you're bleeding, cranky and having cramps! You're a woman darn it & that's beautiful!!!

p.s: what do's and don'ts would you add to this list?

Customizing Your iPhone App Icons

So I've been getting pretty bored with my iPhone screen. Anytime I seen those really cool iPhone screens I would always get a little bit jelly inside because I so desperately wanted to customize my iPhone app icons but I thought it could only happen by jail breaking my phone. I was most certainly not about that life! So I did some research, I was a woman on a mission & I found the app below! Cocoppa allows you to customize app icons without jail breaking your phone. The best part about this app is that it's FREE!!!!

So basically the custom app icons are shortcuts to the real apps so once you make the cool pretty shortcut apps don't delete the real apps. I only wanted to see the pretty custom icons so I made two screens. The original primary screen which you see above has the custom icon shortcuts and my second screen has all actual apps on it. So what are you waiting for? Go download this awesomely cool app now. The app is super easy and fun you'll get the hang of it in no time.