But It's My Fault ...

Do nothing to the young woman; she has committed no crime worthy of death. She is as innocent as a murder victim.

- Deuteronomy 22:26

After abuse one of the most common beliefs and phrases for victims is "but, it's my fault". How crazy is it that after we have been attacked and forcibly hurt that we say but it's my fault. Then comes all of the I should have done this and I could have done this further more digging us deeper into a hole of regret and self-blame. Why do we do this? There are quite a few theories but I'll share mine. I believe we do this, I believe I've done this because if you say it is your fault then you can also say that you can prevent it from happening again. Admitting that what happened to you was out of your control also means that you being hurt again is out of your control. After experiencing trauma the last thing you want to come to terms with is that you can't control this happening again. You feel so alone, exposed and violated your first response is how can I keep this from happening again. Even the Bible recognizes that rape is never the fault of the victim. The scripture above says that she is innocent. Princess, you are innocent. Beloved, you have committed no crime, release your prisoner. 

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU IS NOT YOUR FAULT

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU IS NOT YOUR FAULT

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU IS NOT YOUR FAULT

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU IS NOT YOUR FAULT

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU IS NOT YOUR FAULT

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU IS NOT YOUR FAULT

(I once read a statistics that said for every one negative statement you need six positive statements)

I realize this is a daily process. I even encourage you to put Deuteronomy 22:26 around common spaces in your home so truth can constantly be before your eyes. The enemy of your soul wants you to believe it is your fault because as long as you believe that you can't heal and you can't move forward. Abba desires for you to be healed, He is your healer! He desires for you to progress past this not to forget but to go and help others who have been abused. Receive truth today Beloved, the rape you endured is not your fault, you are innocent, you have committed no crime, what happened to you is not your fault.

My prayer for you is that you would desire truth, seek truth, receive truth, and walk in truth. I pray that you would choose into your healing process, diving into it head first trusting Abba to walk with you every step of the way. In Jesus name, Amen!

If you are a victim of rape I urge you to find a trusted friend you can talk to about this experience and if you have never been to the doctor concerning what happened to you I strongly encourage you to do so. For more info on rape help for yourself or helping someone who has been raped visit rainn.org

Deeper Level Study of Deuteronomy 22:28-29

It's no secret that the Bible has some scriptures in it that are hard pills to swallow and tough to explain. I am an explorer by nature so when I find these scriptures I do deeper level study to gain better understanding. I decided to share some of that deeper level study via my blog. I'm not a Bible scholar, I'm just a girl studying the Bible in school and trying to understand my Abba and His ways more and more each day. Though I have done thorough research I recommend you too do some deeper level study on these topics as well.

If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

- Deuteronomy 22:28-29

Wait what?!? Yes you read right in the Old Testament the Bible tells rapist that they must marry their rape victims. Crazy, absurd, are you sure God? When I first read this scripture I had a wave of emotions but I knew God's character. I know my Abba is love, so I did some deeper level study on this scripture. There are three parts to understanding this scripture. Culture of the time written, what it meant then, what it means today.

Culture of the time written

During the time in which this was written the only women that would get married were virgins. There is another verse in this chapter that speaks of those who are engaged to be married. This particular verse is speaking of those women who are raped that are not yet engaged. In this culture and time if a woman was found not to be a virgin before marriage she had no chance of ever getting married. Her life was basically over in short and she would have been an outcast.

What this verse meant then

As twisted and messed up as it may seem in our western, 2012 mindsets this verse was provision for the rape victim and protection. God even recognizes that she is violated and He says because you did this to her you now have to be the one to marry her. She will not be put to shame because you violated her and made a bad decision. Not only does the rapist have to marry her but He also has to STAY married to her and he can never divorce her. This culture was known for blaming the woman for seducing the rapist and God offers no punishment to the victim yet He seeks to preserve her dignity by saying any man that does this act can not just leave this woman but He must become one with her (through marriage) and He can never leave her ever, oh and He also MUST pay the price for her. I know this is a hard pill to swallow for some of us but keep in mind God is love and these women lived in a different time and had different mindsets. Deuteronomy 22:28-29 was put in place to keep men from acting without a just consequence and also to keep women from being treated as an outcast.

What this verse means for us today

Is this verse suggesting that rapist today should marry their rape victims? I don't think so however it is hope for the victim to see that God is not blaming her, the man is fully at blame for violating her and He has provided a way to preserve her dignity and restore her worth. The violation one feels after experiencing something so traumatic can not be put into words. The countless nights of not being able to sleep, the random moments where the experience replays in your head, the times where your body feels like a trap and you can't even stand being in your own skin, God says I have provided a way for you to be restored. I wish I could tell you why God allows this to happen. I wish I could make the tears and pain go away. I wish I could give you back your virginity but I can't. Jesus did not just die for the sin we've committed but also for the sin committed against us. He is a healer who wants to restore your life.

Beloved,

my prayer for you is that you would allow Jesus to restore you. that you would forgive those who have violated you whether it be emotionally, sexually or psychically. I pray that you would accept the love God so freely gives and that you would walk boldly into the process of deliverance as God sets you free from your pain. In Jesus name, Amen :-)

If you are a victim of rape I urge you to find a trusted friend you can talk to about this experience and if you have never been to the doctor concerning what happened to you I strongly encourage you to do so. For more info on rape help for yourself or helping someone who has been raped visit rainn.org

Fear Not

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

- Jeremiah 29:11

As a young single woman in ministry I know fear and I know fear well. Recently God has been revealing to me different areas of my life were fear is present, areas where I do not trust Him to provide. In my fear, worry and doubt I hear God's voice saying "do not concern yourself with such things". I am a planner so for me worrying is 'normal' behavior because everything needs to fit into my plan. All the while God is saying my plans are higher and that HE knows the plans He has for us. Majority of the time our fear is rooted in lack of trust in God's plan. Not necessarily because we do not believe He will come through but because we fear His plan will be something we don't want. When I take a step back and think about my own participation in such lack of faith I want to smack myself (lol). God, the one who created my heart, the one who wired me the very way I am, how can I doubt they He will fail at satisfying me with a plan much greater than I can imagine.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

- Ephesians 3:20

If you are anything like me you have a WILD imagination. This scripture is especially hard for anyone like me to believe not because God is small but because our imaginations run wild and we can't possibly grasp God providing more than our wild child like dreaming imaginations imagine. The word of God always stands true and if it says He will do exceeding more than we ask or imagine, He will do it. I encourage you to ask God to help you in your unbelief. Craft something with this scripture, put it on your mirror, fridge, closet, keep it before your eyes because this truth overrides ALL fear!

 Now Playing: Fireflight - What I've Overcome

Promote Love

[ Photo Credit ]

Whoever conceals an offense promotes love,

but whoever gossips about it separates friends.

- Proverbs 17:9

We live in a culture that is all about revealing things. When someone hurts you you must tell everyone so that everyone else knows what horrible kind of person he/she is. Beloved, this mindset concerning hurt and offense is NOT Biblical, at all! We are told to conceal offenses which means to cover them. This is the exact expression of walking this life of love as a Christian woman. God says when people hurt you and offend you, do not go telling everyone or even one or two people but cover that person and when you do that you promote love. I have seen this in my own life over and over. When someone hurts and offends you and you choose not to go running your mouth about the person but you repay that person with unconditional love, their heart has NO other choice but to melt. Princess, remember hurt people hurt people. When someone wrongs you that is coming from a place of hurt and if anyone in the world needs our unconditional love most it is those who are hurting. It is real easy to love the people in our lives that love us back and don't step on our toes. God has called us to a higher standard, not because you're so great and you can do it all by yourself but because He has given you the power to love those who wrong you. Think of the times you have wronged, and offended God and what has He done for you? Lavished you with unconditional love, peace, grace, mercy, forgiveness and the list goes on! 

Have you ever had someone tell you that you look just like your daddy! Well people ought to say that same thing about you spiritually. People should see the characteristics of God in us and one of those characteristics of God is unconditional love, UN CONDITIONAL LOVE. No matter what the conditional His love never changes. Ask God to teach you how to love like He has loved you. His lessons may come in form of a trial or test but Beloved, you can pass!

 Now Playing: Jenny & Tyler - Song For You

Double Standard Much?

 Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. 1 Timothy 5:1-2

Women all over the world men bash, one of the reasons they bash is because some men often use women for sex. They use their words to swoon you into their direction and get you to do what they want and oh they say all the right things. Yes this manipulation is a reality but are they alone in this? Women all over the world manipulate too. We flaunt our bodies and charm with our beauty to receive what we want too. We pretend to be something we are not and even do shameful things all to receive love, double standard much? You may be shaking your head like oh no girl that's not the same. Well why not? Both parties are guilty of giving the other party what they desire to get what they selfishly want. Yes indeed ladies, we too have been apart of the double standard and it is not okay. Let's come up higher beloved, no more double standard.

1 Timothy is so clear on how we ought to treat the men in our lives, the older as fathers and the young as brothers. This makes for manipulation free relationships. Why do we need manipulation free relationships? Because God never intended for us to long for something so bad that we would hurt someone else or use someone else to get it. People are not tools, they are hearts, and souls that God loves madly. The guy you text late at night is not some toy for you to pick up when you're lonely then put back on the shelf during the day. People have never been and are not now toys, so quit using them as such for any means!

Your desire for love, that longing for intimacy and connection in itself is not bad. You were designed and created to relate and be relational, to have connection and live in intimacy. This desire turns into lust when we go to people to fulfill it rather than God!!!

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority.

- Colossians 2:9-10

You are bought to fullness in CHRIST alone, not in Mike, not in Ray-ray, not in Gucci, or any other name! Beloved, do not cast your heart to every romantic wind but allow the essence, the author of love, love Himself to pursue your heart, allow God the lover of your soul to make you whole and complete you.

but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

- John 4:14

Princess, drink the living water. Every other fountain will have you thirsty and longing for more. Do not be apart of the double standard any longer, drink from the living water that already belongs to you. In Christ you have all that you need.

For All Eternity

[Me, My Grandma, My Cousin]

Above is a picture of me with my Grandma probably around 1998, yes Grandma was fly with her blonde hair lol. A lot has changed since then and yesterday I visited her at the ICU in the hospital. I can not even begin to explain to you the pain that flooded my heart. As I walked back home from the hospital I felt an overwhelming peace, though there was pain was from seeing someone I love suffer, there was peace. Peace because to be absent with the body is to be present with the Lord. If you have any family members who are also sick and fighting for their health I want to encourage you today to ask God for His peace. My peace came from knowing that on the day when I get that phone call, it will be no tragedy but a glorious homecoming in Heaven. Suffering and pain no more, love and peace will overtake my Grandma forever & ever...

Maybe your family member does not know Christ, visit them and tell them about Him. Even if it's a simple 'I came to say I love you, Jesus loves you and He wants to be with you forever'. Suffering people need to know they are not alone and that someone cares. I would even encourage you to go and say this to them once every single day that you can. Lavish them with love just as your father lavishes you with love.

 1 Samuel 1:13 tells us that Hannah prayed to God in her heart. No sickness can stop your family member from crying out to God in their heart, that is what He wants anyway, He wants a heart change. Begin to pray for their hearts. This is such a rough topic and I understand the pain you are in right now, I too share that pain with you but Beloved rejoice! GOD, Lord of all, God the un-created one, the essence and exact expression of love, GOD the almighty, all powerful, beautiful, glorious one desires to be with YOUR loved one FOREVER. He desires for them to experience His perfect peace and presence for ALL of eternity. If your family member is healed on this side of Heaven, praise God. If you family member goes to be with the Lord, rejoice even more for they are HOME where they belong. 

Beloved, we serve a good God & though life hurts God is so good. God is so good that He takes care of our hearts. Through this season in your life ask God to take care of your heart. I would love to chat with and pray for any of you who are currently going through this. Please email me at chantal@bevirtue.com

Blog Swap!!

I am now accepting blog swap offers under my' fabulous blog' section on the right side of the page!! It's super simple & FREE. It's also a great way to give your blog more exposure. All you have to do is email me with your blog link, I'll check it out and if it is a good fit for my readers/followers I will add your 200x200  button to my page. Oh yeah did I mention this is a swap so I'd expect you to hold up your end of the bargain by posting up my blog button as well.

Email me at: chantal@bevirtue.com

Happy Blogging Ladies xo